Saturday, January 30, 2010

time to enjoy living in a better way.

It is time to view wealth as fuel, however much or little I am lucky enough to receive. I have the potential to see clearly through all the bullshit and go towards what I need. I am slowly getting there.
There are moments where everything is so clear, and then in a second I become immobilized by my subconscious fear of the emotional strain it takes to get there. Where I see my failures, I must force myself to hold onto my strengths and work with that.
I need to stop wanting the things that aren't for me. I will get to those places at a different time in a different way.
I am self sufficient.. not in the way of not needing anyone, but in a different way.

I have decided to get rid of my tv, not the actual television but all the channels. I thought I needed it, but I don't.
I am learning math, again. It has been 12 years since I failed my grade 11 calculus class. I am now learning linear equations, algebra, different lines, abstract problems.. and this is only the first chapter. So far it has effected my speech. Instead of nice sentences or relaying messages, I talk about 'stuff' and 'things', accompanied with.. "you know.." followed by me leaving the room.
I am taking a course on the feminist perspective on violence against women. I love analyzing what I already think about and reading about different theories on the root of violence and gender violence.
A new aim in my life is to stop thinking about that other girl. This isn't for the sake of fixing an old 'relationship', but so that I can stop feeling bad about myself and bad for myself. It's extremely hard to do, I have been trying for a long time now.. I need it to happen so I stop living in the shadow of that shit face.

My hair is still long, my cheeks are still round, my butt is still crazy.

These are a few of the mentionable updates in my life. I feel they're pretty good ones.

No new pictures right now.


Sunday, January 17, 2010


I got some of that out of my system.

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